what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
