So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
