I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
