tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
