Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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