I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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