an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
