I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm passing your future prison.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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