So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
either way he was missing a nipple.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
