YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
