we're blogging at a bar
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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