i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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