So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
