dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
