He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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