dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
