He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
