I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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