Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
