A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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