Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
