Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
