The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
