Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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