Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
