Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
