We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
