I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
