i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
