I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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