I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
