question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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