He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
