Sponge bath it is.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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