3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
