Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
