#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
