Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
