My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
