Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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