sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
