If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
