I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
