I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
