at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
