walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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