I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
its liver damage thursday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
