You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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