Pants 0. Shit 1.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
