Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
