i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
